Matthew 18:21–22

0:00 Good evening, church. Go ahead and open your Bibles to Matthew chapter 18. Matthew chapter 18 will be in verses 21 and 22 this evening. So one of the most frustrating and I think socially awkward parts of parenting little ones is when they start down that path of asking why questions, right? if you've got little ones, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Why, daddy, does that person sound so weird? Why, daddy, is that person so ugly? Why does that thing smell like that?

0:46 Or, you know, even worse than kind of next level on the whole pattern of why questions is when they start rapid firing the questions to you. Because sometimes you can actually cut them off beforehand and kind of steered the conversation, but when they rapid fire, it is next level, right? So, dad, why is the sun hot? Why is the sun that color? Why is the sun so small? Why is the sun so bright? And just by the end, you're exhausted, right? It's too much. You know, for little ones, the question why is usually just a curious one, right? They're not actually trying to wear you out. I don't think. Maybe so. Maybe once they figure out the game. But I think usually they're just trying to be curious and trying to ask questions that help them to understand the world.

1:26 But for adults, we know that there are more important things for them to observe. There are more important things that they should notice, right? It just feels like they're asking the wrong question. But you know there is a time when asking the question, why, at least in our hearts, is exactly the right question to ask. Well, that's what we're going to be seeing this evening here from our text. So Matthew chapter 18, verses 21 to 22. Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him as many as seven times?

2:05 And Jesus said to him, I do not say to you seven times, but 77 times. I want to spend the next few minutes together thinking on this text and arguing that this is the main point for it, that forgiving others is not driven by asking the question, how, but why? Forgiving others, we as Christians, the task of forgiving others is not actually driven by asking the question, how, but why? And we'll look at two different points to help us understand that a little bit better. So, the wrong question when you've been wronged, and the right question to make it right. The wrong question when you've been wronged, and the right question to make it all right. So, number one, the wrong question when you've been wronged. Our passage this evening comes right on the heels of Jesus teaching that His people actually do have an obligation to confront those who sin, right? They have an obligation to call out sin and to call one

3:08 another to repentance. In fact, that passage, the passage right before our passage for this evening is a critical passage for shaping the way that we think about what it looks like to have sinners within a church who openly, continuously sin and do not repent of their sin, right? It's actually critical for helping us think about then church discipline. That's what's happening in the passage right before this. So Peter's question here is in verse 21, doesn't just come out of the blue. He didn't just wake up one day with the question, hey, Lord, how many times do I have to forgive this guy? No, it's within a context. Of course, he's thinking about this long and often very emotionally difficult process of trying to convince a fellow believer that he's sinning and that he needs to repent of that sin. Peter's asking what many must have been thinking as they heard Jesus teaching that earlier there in chapter 18. Well, okay, Jesus, I can do this process of removing them. I have this category for someone who sins, and we confront, and they just never

4:11 relent. They just keep sinning. I get it that I need to get rid of them. I need to get them away from us. But what if and how many times should I forgive them if they do repent? How many times do I repent, or how many times rather do I forgive? Well, that's a huge question on its own, but I think if you just ask it like that, it actually causes you to overlook an even bigger part of what's at stake here. What is Peter asking the Lord? What is he actually asking the Lord here? What does he say? He says, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Friends, you know that sin is horrible. That's not actually what this passage is about, but it's critical for our understanding for what's going on here.

5:01 So, the focus of the surrounding passages has been actually, in fact, about how bad sin is. Just before it, Jesus says it's better to enter a life maimed than to stay here in this life whole, only to be cast into the eternal fire of hell at death. And then He says if your brother who isn't sinning, or if your brother who is sinning, rather, won't listen to you, then you treat that person like he's no longer your brother. He loses status as brother, as fellow Christian. Sin is devastating. Sin is horrible. So it makes sense then that Peter would ask, okay, so Lord, if my brother is sinning, if he's doing that thing that would cause him to be thrown into the eternal hell of fire, right, if it would cause him to be thrown into that or strip him of the status of brother, how many times do I have to tolerate that? Maybe even think that Peter had the spiritual good of others around him in mind when he asked this, right? Lord, wouldn't it be

6:06 better for all of us if we simply got rid of this guy? He's going to be a poison for us. He keeps sinning. He keeps disobeying your word. He keeps doing the things that are finally going to earn him judgment, and you're telling me I have to forgive him? Well, either way, what Peter really wants to know is where the limit is. Where's the point of no return? If you cross here, it's too much. And he's not talking about people who have simply annoyed him, right? That's very clear. He's not talking about someone that he just doesn't get along with. He's talking about those who have sinned against him? I mean, surely you can feel some sympathy for his question.

6:53 All right, Peter's doing what we often do when we're in that exact same situation. When we've been sinned against, our instinct is almost always to kind of put ourselves above that person and to look down on them, right? You're asking me to forgive you, but first let me check and see if you've got some credits to redeem that would cause me to forgive you. Let me see if this thing is worthy of my forgiveness. Let me stand above you and judge this situation. Obviously, being sinned against is not how it should go. We should not sin against one another. You should not be sinned against by others. And yet, in our pre-heaven reality, we do not get to stand above the person asking us for forgiveness and consider whether they're worthy of it. And that's a huge part of the point Jesus is making in the parable that follows our text, after all, right? There's a master, the one with all authority, with all status, with all the right to judge and decide,

7:58 and he looks at the servant, the one who has nothing to offer, and the master forgives him. It's not like the servant could ever work his way up to the point where they're peers, right? There would always be a hierarchy of sorts between master and servant in that parable. And yet right in the face of that reality, the master forgives the servant. Like that's how we're to be. We're not to consider social status or relational dynamics or even how egregious a particular sin is.

8:33 We simply, as Christians, are not the ones who get to decide when mercy should be shown to sinners who repent. And that's what Peter's trying to game out here. When do I have to forgive and when do I not have to forgive, Lord? Brothers and sisters, does your heart run that same calculation when you've been sinned against? And not just by unbelievers, Because I think, in fact, we're actually much quicker to give them a free pass.

9:03 After all, they don't know any better. You know, that guy's not a Christian. Of course, he would say things like that. No, this text is dealing with fellow believers sinning against one another. So when your spouse says that hurtful thing that she said time and time again, and you thought you've already dealt with it, do you wonder if you have to forgive her yet again? When your friend here, here at Third Avenue, fellow member, when your friend here twists the truth about you and you find out about it, and it was a twisting of the truth just to her benefit, to gain some social status, do you imagine that that's the point of no return, that that relationship is done?

9:46 What about when a fellow member sins against you just in any way you can imagine? Do you ask, how many more times do I have to put up with this? How much longer? How can I even take the first step in forgiving this person? How can I possibly forgive? Friends, that's the wrong question. That's why Jesus turns it on its head here. He points out to Peter that there's a more fundamental question to be asked. He's asking a question about procedure, about mechanics, about a checklist. But Jesus points to a deeper reality.

10:23 Instead of how we forgive, Jesus shows that you first have to understand why we forgive. And so our second point, the right question to make it right. I've started playing this trivia game called Connections with my family. I don't know if you guys have heard of it on the New York Times app. We play all the crossword stuff, Wordle, all these different ones. Connections is one of those. If you've not played it, it's a four-by-four grid of just different words. So imagine a four-by-four grid, different words, and you've got to find connections between any four, right?

10:58 So that some of them are very straightforward, like types of travel or different types of shoes. Some of them, though, are very difficult. Some of them are just impossible to figure out, it seems. They have nothing in common with one another, these various words. Well, the only way you can actually make sense of the connections between them is by asking the right question. And suddenly, you come up with the right question and everything kind of unlocks and the puzzle fits together and it makes sense.

11:33 Well, that's what we're seeing here. Peter's asking the wrong question and he's just not going anywhere with it, right? He's not making any progress with it. He has no understanding of what forgiveness is because he's asking the wrong question. But now Jesus begins to point him back to the right question. look back at the text. When Peter asks about forgiving up to seven times, the Lord tells him what? He tells him 77 times. Well, Jesus is not simply telling Peter that, hey, you got the number wrong, right? It's not seven, it's 77. But at 78 and beyond, of course, you don't have to forgive them. No, that's not what he's doing. He's not trying to just point out the wrong calculation.

12:10 He's trying to shatter Peter's conception of the whole thing. He wants him to see instead that the question he should be asking is, why should I forgive this person? Why should I be forgiving in this particular instance? And here's what we have to grab onto from this text. We don't forgive by looking at the person asking us for forgiveness and doing our best to sort of muster up some love for them, some sort of forgiveness energy for them, right? We certainly don't forgive because the person asking us deserves it. We don't even forgive by looking at the situation and judging that, well, in this particular situation, it's okay, but in this one, no, that one's not okay.

12:50 No, that's not what we're to learn. No, what we're to do is we're to see that forgiveness and being able to forgive the one who has sinned against us is driven entirely by looking at the mercy of the Lord in His forgiveness of us. Friends, forgiveness is not a mathematical equation. It's not a procedure, it's not a checklist, it's a posture of humility and a recognition of who we are before the Lord. Look, our guide for forgiveness is not the situation itself. It's the Lord's mercy.

13:28 That's what guides us in forgiveness. So when you take time to stare into that and to see who you are before the Lord, then your reflex becomes less and less one that's inclined to weigh out, should I, should I not forgive in this particular situation, and more and more one that's determined to show mercy to someone who has sinned against you because the Lord has even shown you a greater mercy. Maybe you're here and you're not a Christian, and this is all fascinating and wild to you because you think, how do these Christians think about forgiveness? Why would they forgive one another? I myself don't feel like I'm worthy of forgiveness because I know I've done horrible and horrible things. Well, if that's you, friend, know that this forgiveness is not just between Christians either. In fact, much greater, the thing that we are talking about as Christians is the fact that we have been forgiven by the Lord Jesus Christ, and that same forgiveness can be offered to you. The Bible makes it very clear that this offer of forgiveness is for any who would choose to believe the offer of the gospel and repent. That means to turn away from

14:32 sins and trust in Jesus. So if that's you tonight, that same offer is actually available to you. This is not an intramural thing you're hearing. This is offered to you as well. But Christians, what are we to take away from this then? Two quick things as we wrap up. Number one, ask the right question. Why should I forgive? Right? That's the first thing we need to know from this. So if your heart keeps catching at the how question. How many times? How should forgiveness look? How should this whole relationship be before I forgive? Well, you're not only going to not understand forgiveness for yourself, you're certainly not going to be able to forgive someone else. Why should I forgive is the right question. And the answer to that is that the Lord has had mercy on you. So that's the first thing, ask the right question. Number two, you answer that question ahead of time.

15:31 You answer it ahead of time. Well, what do I mean by that? I mean, you don't wait until the moment that you've been offended to try and run this whole process of, I got to remember what it is that I'm supposed to think right now. No, you start answering that question right now. You consider the great mercy of the Lord in your life today. So tomorrow, at work, on your way to class, at home, getting ready, you consider the ways that the Lord has shown His great and deep and infinite mercy to you. We all, every single one of us, have owed a debt so incredibly and infinitely large that it's laughable to even think that we could chip away at it. And yet the Lord showed mercy. Fixate on that truth. Kind of just gaze into that gospel reality over and over again and see that Christ has poured out his mercy on you.

16:28 That kind of reflection is the answer to this question. And the more you rehearse that answer now, the better prepared you'll be for the test when it comes your way. So, brothers and sisters, forgiving others is hard work, right? This is a very challenging thing, and yet it's something that we will face often because we are sinners who live together. So when that time comes for that hard work, let's remember to ask this question, to ask, why should I forgive?

17:00 And to let the answer of, it's the deep mercy of the Lord and the mercy that the Lord has shown me, let that be the thing that rings in our hearts and rings in our ears. Let's pray. Father, we thank you for the incredible mercy that you have shown us in your son, Jesus Christ. We thank you that though we owed that debt that could never be repaid, you in your mercy looked down on us and forgave us. Oh God, help us to let that truth and that reality drive the ways that we are willing and desiring even to forgive one another when we've been sinned against.

17:37 We pray that that type of reflex and instinct would come to mark our church even more and more, and we pray this all in Jesus' name, amen.